Oh, You Mean They Grow Up and Go Away?
He's always stayed close to home, not being as socially inclined as my other 2 kids. He had his circle of friends but enjoyed spending a lot of time on his own activities at home. He asked me to homeschool him, it was his choice. I have enjoyed his company every day for 18 1/2 years and now he's so far away.
This is the week I never expected. I think I imagined that one of my kids would always be somewhere nearby. This morning I took my daughter to the airport and sent her off to Vietnam. She is doing a semester abroad. When she returns she'll visit her fiancee in AZ, and then finish her senior year at College in upstate NY.
My oldest son is also moving out this week. He's been commuting an hour and a half each way to work for over a year now, and we knew he would eventually move. He was accepted to graduate school but postponed it for a year because he was already working; now he's going to do both. To keep his job and go to night school he has to move to MA so he will be closer to school and work.
All Together Now, Off We Go
I am sad and I will miss them so much. Even though our youngest will be back during school breaks, and we'll see them all on the holidays, this is the beginning of the truly empty nest. I am having a hard time digesting the idea of life without our kids living with us.
It feels like the first time I gave birth.
For 9 months you know you are going to have a baby but no matter how much you read or how many classes you take nothing can completely prepare you for being a new parent. Even if you have done a lot of babysitting, even babysitting infants, it is not quite the same as giving birth to, and caring for your own newborn 24/7. It's a life changing shock, or more like your life has changed forever and you are in shock.
That's kind of how I feel right now. Even though I had plenty of time to prepare, it's different in reality. I have to get used to the change and get beyond the shock. They are all adults, they are on their own, it's their time to chart their own courses. It's the reverse of giving birth, or is it rebirth?
I'll go with rebirth, my rebirth.
Little does he know I do have a plan. A plan to recreate my life.
There have been a lot of things on the back burner that need some attention. I do need to increase my income, focus on improving my health, and clean and repair this old house. Although I've been trying to do those things all along, I can now focus more exclusively on what needs to happen.
"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."-T. S. Eliot