Sibling Rivalry

How Do You Handle Kid's Fighting?

I remember when my two little sweeties had their first fight. They had always been best friends for the whole two and a half years they had been together. Being only 20 months apart sometimes people even thought they were twins (because girls grow up faster). But then the day came when my four and something year old son decided she was a threat. He pinched her arm. She cried as if he had stabbed her in the back. I was shocked.

What happened to those idyllic little cherubs who laughed and played together so effortlessly? I had never
heard of sibling rivalry before that day. Call me naive, but I only had one sibling and I didn't remember the rivalry part of childhood. I thought, perhaps they will grow out of it soon, but they didn't.

After a week of intervening and playing the time-out game a little too often I decided to call a friend. She said, "Oh it's normal, but you might need to learn some new ways to handle the situations. Go to the library and get 'Sibling's Without Rivalry'". I did, and it was so helpful. (Click book image to order from Amazon)



As a matter of fact, this book even helped my marriage. Not that we were fighting, but it helped me see relationships a little differently. I began to see that each person has needs but we don't always express them directly. I was able to learn new ways of communicating, even with my husband, and that helped the whole family become more harmonious.

Now that doesn't mean my kid's stopped fighting altogether. I'm not sure if that's even possible, it's pretty normal for people to have disagreements and issues from time to time. But it became a lot easier to help them learn how to work through things, and put caring for each other first, once the rivalry issues were dealt with. By applying the methods I learned in Adele Faber's books, my kid's came to know that they were loved equally but uniquely, so the feelings of needing to compete for love and equality disappeared. (Click on book image to see more.)

Even if your kid's get along great, these books are well worth their small price. The information and techniques are timeless and priceless. They're probably also available at your local library.

Have you read a really good book, or learned a technique, that helped you deal with the fights & squabbles of childhood? Tell us about it by leaving a comment below.