Pharrell Williams - International Day of Happiness

Creativity

When most people think of kid's and creativity what comes to mind is construction paper and glue, art supplies, craft supplies, building toys, etc. This is all good stuff, but that's not exactly what this post is about.

Teach Children to Think Creatively

Life is an act of creation. Everyday we think, we feel and we make choices and take action. This process is what creates our life, it's what sends us in one direction or another. 

You can teach your children to just follow what everyone else is doing, or you can teach them to think for themselves and take control of their own life. To get along with others it is necessary to have a degree of compliance, but to be truly happy we have to become the creators of our own life.

In the beginning children are meant to follow, learn the rules, develop compassion for others, and experience a sense of their value as an individual who is an important part of a family and a community. Gradually, as the child grows they will encounter situations that confront their sense of security and challenge their understanding. This is where creativity can be learned.

Real Creativity is Unselfish

When I speak of creativity I don't mean the ability to cleverly figure out how to get what you want. Children don't usually need help in that area. What I'm talking about is helping children learn to think things through, to look at their thoughts and emotions objectively and consider all the circumstances and people before they make rash decisions or jump to conclusions. This will take time and practice.

It's important to gradually help children see that there are many choices in life and our choices produce a certain result. It's also important to help them realize that sometimes we don't know all the answers, and sometimes we can invent new answers. Encourage thinking "outside the box".

Real Creativity Unleashes Ones Inherent Goodness

Creative thinking gives a child the ability to explore their own mind, to come to know themselves and feel their purpose in life. Children are naturally creative, as all human beings are, and our job as a parent is to guide their creativity in positive directions without squashing it. 

When we see life as a creative process of our own unfolding, we come to truly understand our own value and the goodness we have to offer in relation to others and the world. Teach children that the only real thing they have control over are their own actions, and those actions create a result. 

We can learn how to control our actions by examining our thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally but still measuring them with our value system. Rules and values are important because they give a child the framework and structure to understand relationships and responsibilities. They also help a child become self-disciplines. But within that framework it's important for children to learn that there is an incredible potential for them to creatively develop their own life. 

Time Out!

Okay, let's stop right here and calm down, so we can move on in a more positive direction. That is the purpose of Time Out, isn't it? Sometimes parents have trouble implementing this discipline method and I think it is because it is too often used as a punishment, which in turn incites rebellious behavior.

Parental discipline means helping our children learn to control themselves. Time Out is a very useful tool for creating space and time to calm down and change a behavior. Changing a behavior takes a little thought process, even for a child. In order to think clearly and be open to change, the child has to calm down and reflect.

"Oh, you must be kidding", you're thinking. "My child becomes more angry and cries louder when I put him in Time Out." Yes, that can happen, until the child learns to accept and use Time Out for their own benefit. I know you think I'm crazy now.

Actually, even though Time Out is a very popular method of controlling behavior problems, you don't have to use it at all. To me, it's a little unnatural and I didn't use it until it fit naturally into the process. When was that? When my daughter was about 6 I remember saying very sternly, "Go to your room now!" because she had done something really mean to her brother. After that, whenever she saw me with that face & tone of voice she ran to her room before I even told her to. Later I would go and have a calm talk with her.

With my youngest, I used to put myself in Time Out so I could calm down enough to deal with him. He was 3 at the time and the type that would have screamed and cried and kept fighting me if I had tried to put him in Time Out. So, I put myself there instead and that used to make him really mad. He would kick and pound at the door to my bedroom while crying, and I would say I'm not coming out until you stop and tell me you're sorry. He had to calm down if he wanted me to come out, and he had to think about what he had done, because he knew I would ask him to tell me what he had done that upset me.

He learned from modeled behavior that when we feel angry or upset the best thing to do is separate ourselves from others so we can calm down. He also learned to think about how his behavior was affecting someone else. That's what I wanted him to learn anyway, and when I came out of time out he always said "sorry Mommy". Children sometimes understand a lot more than we think they do.

Personally I would not use Time Out as my only method of discipline. It is best used to deal with an incident when a child is starting to get upset or angry, or to interrupt a fight. As a parent it's best to keep your cool and just say, "Stop right now, Johnny you sit there, Bobby you sit there (maybe in different rooms) for 5 minutes until you calm down."

The rule is 1 minute per year of the child's age, however I really wouldn't use this before 3 years old. After the Time Out just restate the behavior you expect like, "The rule is no hitting, if you get angry you can leave the room, or come tell Mommy what's wrong." With kids over 6 you can have a little more discussion when necessary. Issues and feelings can get a little more complicated as kids get older, and you want your older children to feel that they can share their problems with you. If you've used Time Out well from 3 to 6 or 7 years old the child should start to use it themselves, naturally seeking a place to calm down and think about things instead of acting out.

Of course that's not the end of the story, there will be other issues and circumstances and you will need other methods to help your children learn how to behave. I hope this has been helpful, please feel free to leave your comments. Next week's topic is Implementing Logical Consequences.

An Update from Blogger about Google Friend Connect

In 2011, we announced the retirement of Google Friend Connect for all non-Blogger sites. We made an exception for Blogger to give readers an easy way to follow blogs using a variety of accounts. Yet over time, we’ve seen that most people sign into Friend Connect with a Google Account. So, in an effort to streamline, in the next few weeks we’ll be making some changes that will eventually require readers to have a Google Account to sign into Friend Connect and follow blogs.

As part of this plan, starting the week of January 11, we’ll remove the ability for people with Twitter, Yahoo, Orkut or other OpenId providers to sign in to Google Friend Connect and follow blogs. At the same time, we’ll remove non-Google Account profiles so you may see a decrease in your blog follower count.

We encourage you to tell affected readers (perhaps via a blog post), that if they use a non-Google Account to follow your blog, they need to sign up for a Google Account, and re-follow your blog. With a Google Account, they’ll get blogs added to their Reading List, making it easier for them to see the latest posts and activity of the blogs they follow.

We know how important followers are to all bloggers, but we believe this change will improve the experience for both you and your readers.

Posted by Michael Goddard, Software Engineer

Why Does This Always Happen At The Wrong Time?

Discipline Barriers

Sometimes it's really hard to get the kids moving in the morning, but you have to drop them off at daycare and get to work on time. What can you do to make them move faster? It can seem that the more you push, the more they slow down. Don't cave, and please don't bribe.

Sometimes we have to slow down as parents and look at things from a different perspective. Of course you have a schedule to keep, but getting upset in the moment can cause discipline to degrade into desperation. So plan ahead for these moments, because they will happen. Having a discipline plan can help avoid the many barriers to effective discipline.

What are the barriers?
They are our emotions. For example, what happens when the kid's aren't cooperating? We usually get frustrated, then angry. If you lose your cool and blow up at the kids, then you're likely to feel guilty later. If it happens often, you may even become afraid of the situations that cause squabbles with your kids, and this hinders you even more from using effective discipline. All these emotions make it difficult to implement discipline that works well. But we can't help having emotions can we?

That's Why We Need A Plan
The first step of a good plan is to stay positive, believing your kid's are capable of cooperating. Next is to tell them your expectations ahead of time, and allow them one reminder. For example, the night before a work week explain to your child, " Mommy needs to be at work on time tomorrow, so you need to be ready when Mommy needs to leave. If I don't get to work on time I may lose my job, then we can't pay for toys & clothes & food. Do you understand?" (nod) "Will you get ready when mommy tells you to and no dawdling?" (Another nod) "I will remind you in the morning. If you dawdle and make mommy late there will be no TV time tonight", (or whatever consequence works for this child).

In the morning just remind them of your little talk, and follow your usual routine. By anticipating situations and helping your child understand your expectations, and the consequences, in a calm way you give them a chance to please you. Be sure to say thank you when they're ready on time, this will reinforce the good behavior. And if they are still dawdling make sure you implement the consequence.

Other Discipline Obstacles

Sometimes as parents with all our responsibilities and concerns we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, worried or possibly even depressed. These thoughts and feelings will consume your mental and emotional space making it difficult to have more positive thoughts and feelings, or to think clearly when little problems with the kid's come up. Your troubles may prevent you from investing more positive time and energy into your relationships, and may cause your kids to feel "unloved".

Children are sensitive to the emotions in their environment, but they don't have the ability to analyze and comprehend these feelings without clear information. If you are in this negative space over a long period of time your children may end up feeling confused, guilty, angry, fearful and hopeless themselves, without really knowing why. This can certainly cause them to misbehave more, and cause you to feel more frustrated and hopeless.

It's a good idea to let them know when you're feeling troubled about something and apologize for not being your usual self. At the same time reassure them that it's not their fault and that you will find a solution. This helps them understand that parents have concerns & worries that children aren't aware of, and that sometimes people need a little time to work things out. Having told them this, it would be good to put your troubles aside for a moment and do a little fun or comforting activity together. This reinforces the feeling that everything will be okay.

One practice that's very helpful for parents who work is to take 5 or 10 minutes before coming home to decompress from the days issues. Breathe deeply, meditate or pray, or use visual imagery to put your troubles away. You are not being paid to worry at home about work. Imagine yourself putting your work concerns into a box, closing the lid, and putting it on a shelf labeled "Tomorrow". You and your family need to be able to relax and enjoy your time at home together.

One More Problem

You've had a busy day running here and there trying to get things done and take care of everyone. Maybe you've had a busier week than usual, or this month you've run yourself ragged. It happens, we get tired. Being over-tired tends to make us cranky and snappy. Being overly tired tends to make us not want to deal with "one more problem" situation or activity. This is another circumstance that will happen, so we need to be prepared and teach our kids well.

The first step is to recognize your tiredness before it gets the best of you. Then decide on a recovery plan like taking a nap, having a cup of tea, or relaxing in the recliner for 20 minutes. Explain to your children that you're tired and need a break. "Let me have a cup of coffee and then I'll help you with your homework", "Let mommy relax a few minutes and then we'll make dinner together".

By doing this you are modeling "good behavior" for your children. Children get overtired too, and the usual result is that they get cranky and uncooperative because they don't know how to deal with being overtired. So you are showing them that when we get tired the only real solution is to rest, and it's important to let people know so they will give you time to rest.

When dealing with any of these barriers to discipline, if your children are under 3 explaining won't do much good. You can label feelings and model good behavior, but don't expect them to completely understand or give you the space you need. You may want to get some help. Having a friend, sister, mother or babysitter take care of the kids for a little while while you sort things out or get some rest will pay off in the long run. The way we behave, communicate, and handle our emotions is the first education our children receive, so let's teach them well.   

Say What You Mean - Mean What You Say!

The Grocery Store

I know grocery shopping with little ones can be a challenge, but here's a quick tip: start with clear rules and enforce them. Ooohhh....mean mommy? No, it will help both you and your children.

A couple days ago I was in the grocery store and couldn't help but overhear a mom scolding her kids. Within minutes it became yelling at her screaming & crying kids. By this time they were at the end of my aisle and I glanced over at the scene.

I was so surprised to see two kids about 6 and 9 years old behaving
in this way in the grocery store. Temper tantrums & toddlers I can understand, but fighting and screaming in public at 6 and 9 is unnecessary. By this age it's quite reasonable to expect kids to know how to behave in public, to be able to accompany you on errands without a scene, and to have some self control. What happened next gave a clear indication of why this mom was having so much trouble in the grocery store.

She told them to sit down on the floor right there and take a 5 second time out. What? Did she really expect them to do this? Did she expect 5 seconds to make a difference? A desperate attempt but not a useful method for the situation. They didn't obey and kept screaming & crying about some fight they had had over some object the little boy was waving in his hand. Mom was really getting frustrated now.

Next came the threat, "If you don't stop fighting & fussing we're going to leave the store...". Well that's progress, I thought, but I doubted she would follow through. Kid's don't become this way by accident. It's lack of clear expectations form the beginning, and failure to follow through with consequences that produces this kind of result. Just as I expected, the crying, fighting, fussing, yelling & threats continued for the next 20 minutes all the way to the check out line and out of the store. I don't want to know what happened in the car or at home.

Prevention

For 3 to 6 year old's we can make our expectations clear ahead of time like this: "Mommy has to buy food at the store so we can make dinner. You can come with me and help with the shopping as long as there's no fighting or fussing." It's good to involve the kids at a young age and make it a learning experience by giving them small tasks like holding a box of crackers or helping to choose the cereal. 

It might feel like this takes too much time, but it will save you a lot of time & frustration in the long run. As they get older teach them all your shopping tips.

Other Prevention Methods

• Don't take your kid's to the store when they are tired, cranky or hungry. 
• Plan a weekly menu to decrease shopping decisions and time.
• Bring toys, drinks & snacks to avoid bribing your kids with treats.
• Have a joyful conversation with your kids while shopping, make it fun & entertaining. 

Intervention

When you're at the store and trouble starts restate your expectation and give a consequence. "Remember, Mommy said there's no fussing or fighting, you need to stop arguing and whining or we will leave the store. If we have to leave there will be no food for dinner. Do you want mommy to cook dinner tonight?" Say this in a matter of fact way without any emotional overload. Then continue to involve them in the shopping process.

If the situation persists you must drop everything and leave the store. Believe me, the store manager & shoppers will understand, and you will only have to do this once. Take your children by the hand or in arms and exit quickly, strap them in their car seats and then calmly but firmly tell them, "Mommy is not happy with your behavior. We are going home without any food for dinner. You will have to eat crackers for dinner." Then drive home and let them experience the consequence.

I have done it, once. Many other parents have done it and no one was harmed. Children don't grow up thinking their parents are mean for doing this. On the contrary, children who experience repeated shopping disasters and frustrated parents who may resort to overly punishing them when they get home, will be more likely to experience their parents as mean. Children need to learn what is expected of them in a calm and controlled way. If they never experience the consequences of misbehavior they will not learn to control themselves. So, say what you mean & mean what you say!

Sometimes We Forget

Some Reasons Kid's Misbehave

I was sitting in a McDonald's on an outing with my kid's one day and I overheard a mom talking to her 3 year old daughter as she wiped her little girl's nose. She was saying, "You've been giving me such a hard time all day, I don't know why you're being such a brat today." I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything.

Meanwhile I thought, "I wonder what this mom would act like if she had a bad cold and someone was dragging her all over town all day." I see it all the time, parents dragging their kid's everywhere while being oblivious to the fact that the child is tired, hungry or sick, or maybe just needs some down time.  We always have so much to do and so little time.

A Little Bit of Empathy Goes a Long Way

There are times when kid's will just be naughty because they are immature, but many times we also have to be aware of the other circumstances influencing their behavior. For example, if there have been a lot of changes or difficulties at home or at school this can result in bad behavior. Your child can not tell you that they are stressed out, even adults sometimes have trouble identifying sources of underlying stress. 

In the normal course of growing up children will have emotional reactions that they don't quite understand so they can't really explain. For example, at times they may feel discouraged, rejected, unloved, inadequate or incapable (no matter how much you love them). This may result in being grouchy, moody, irritable and complaining. Going through struggles and feeling these types of emotions is a normal part of life, so they will need to learn how to deal with these feelings. We can help them by having empathy, but also helping them learn to express how they feel with words, and to make positive choices that will help them feel better.

My oldest son was so stressed out after his first few days at kindergarten that he started hitting his little sister the minute he got in the car. I said, "Well if this is what school does to you I think it's not worth it, we'll just stop going." He was surprised and looked at me and said, "I'm thirsty and hungry". I said, "Okay, that's all you had to say, now tell your sister you're sorry." I also told him it was normal to feel tired and cranky after such a busy day at school, but that it's not fair to take our feelings out on other people. After that I always brought food & drinks when I picked him up from school, and I asked his sister not to hug him or play with him until we got home.

Unusual Circumstances

How do you feel when you are in an unfamiliar situation, around people you don't know and you are not sure of what's going on? As an adult you may watch people, ask questions, or try to figure out what you should do in this situation. Children haven't learned to do that yet. They may ask lots of questions that annoy you or they may misbehave. They don't know what the guidelines are unless you've warned them ahead of time. They don't know the environment may not be child friendly. They don't know how to deal with boredom and they want to play.

Not knowing what is appropriate at a particular time & place (like going out to dinner), feeling a little insecure and wanting your attention (at the doctor's office), or getting different messages from too many different people (mom, dad, caregiver, grandparent, friends) can all create confusion and be a set up for poor behavior. So what's a parent to do? Can you remember how to behave toward your child in all these situations? It's not easy for parents either.

There Is A Time & Place For Everything

That's what kids need to learn. I think the best way to deal with most of these situations is to reassure your child that you understand how they are feeling, use words to label their feelings and look for affirmation. Then briefly explain the behavior you expect in that situation, and the consequence if they don't behave well. Also reassure them that the circumstances will be over soon and they will be able to go home.

Another good idea is to avoid behavior problems by avoiding the situations that cause them whenever possible while they are very young. Of course you don't want to over protect them because they need to learn how to behave in public (as well as at home), but sometimes it's just not the best day to go shopping, or to McDonald's.

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This Old House

A house is a home when it's filled with the people you love. When they all go away it's just filled with memories, and possibly pets too. It's also filled with a lot of dust, unfinished projects, and tons of stuff that needs to be thrown out - yeah, all that stuff that we didn't deal with because we didn't think we had time.

That's life in the USA - we collect stuff. It piles up around us or we put it in storage. Attics and basements full of boxes, sometimes we even rent storage space! It's crazy, don't you think?

What Will You Leave Behind?

When my parents passed away a few years ago they left a whole house full of stuff. They thought they were doing us a favor (bless their hearts) by putting money into things instead of bank accounts; they thought we could avoid high inheritance taxes that way. Instead we inherited a lot of stuff to sort out and my brother's still dealing with it all.

I don't blame them, I'm sure it was good advice at the time it was given. However, it left me thinking about the way I'd like to leave things for my kids. Of course everyone has sentimental things they want to keep, but I don't really think my kids will want to inherit all my junk. They have their own junk.

Moving On

I don't want to be a "past stuff" babysitter for the rest of my life. I'd like to be able to travel a bit and have a little fun, in between work and visiting family of course. But there's 25 years worth of leftovers from life with family tying me down right now (including pets). 

My husband has already moved on and is building a life for us somewhere else. We figured that was the only way we could do it, one of us would have to move on first while the other dealt with all the stuff we've collected. It's not easy but we're in a process of figuring out this next stage of life after the kids have grown up.

You can't take it with you!

We've all heard this saying in relation to not being able to take our material abundance with us to the afterlife (thank God!). But we can't always take it with us here in the now life either. If we want to move on with our lives we sometimes have to let go of stuff, and we have to ask our kids to take responsibility for their own stuff too.

Our daughter is moving across the country in a little 2 door hatchback that's about 1/10th the size of her bedroom. She definitely can not take it all with her. Our older son just moved into a nice 2 bedroom apartment so I asked him to start taking some things from the closet and attic that he has stored here for the past 4 years since he graduated college. I consider dealing with this as my karma because I still had some things stored at my parents house even after they passed away.

Our youngest is still in college but I have less concern about his things because he seems to have an easier time letting go, except for the pets. One of the kids will eventually have to take the pets.

Life is full of changes

I wish I had the foresight long ago to plan for all these changes. I hope my kids will have the foresight to live a simple scaled back life. Although we are not wealthy by any means, between raising children and running a business we have managed to collect more stuff than we need. It's time to simplify and enjoy some freedom.

Some Examples of Eric's videos

Interview Demo

Promo Demo 1

Promo Demo 2

I'm Over Here!

I've been busy in other places these days, but my heart, mind and body are still mostly at home. Come visit me here:

REDBUBBLE

Create A Beautiful Life

Faith Fusion

Where Have All the Children Gone?

Life in an Empty Nest

 

The nest is more tidy, but it took about 2 weeks to get it that way after the last little birdie flew off. The refrigerator seems a little empty and I miss my youngest son's cooking adventures. I miss our conversations even more. It's a strange new reality after so many years with kids around.

The Pet Takeover

Last night at a party my friend told me his dogs have gained weight since his sons went off to college. Hmmm... "perhaps you should stop giving them table scraps and take them for more walks", I said. Come to think of it, my cats seem to be hanging around the kitchen a lot more these days, and one of them has taken to sleeping at our feet at night. The guinea pig follows us around the house if we leave her by herself for too long and we've resorted to food bribery to get her back in her cage.

They're all clearly lonely and wondering where the action is. Finally, the 2 cats and guinea pig have resorted to playing chase with each other, when they're not following us around and begging for food. It's entertaining, but also a subtle reminder that we are missing our 3 significant other members of the family.

Life doesn't stop...

We're always busy; working, planning, socializing and everything that's involved with daily life. But it's a very different space, this empty nest, full of memories and longing for the familiar presence of the ones I've poured my heart into for the past 25 years.

What will you do when your children leave home?

Will you have more time and money for all those things you've wanted to do? Or will you be too busy trying to make money to pay off all the bills of raising a family and sending kids to college? Will you spend more time with friends, do creative projects, or volunteer? Or will you spend endless hours on Facebook?

I love my children and my memories, but I also like to keep living life to the fullest in the present! That may mean different things to different people, but for me it means enjoying what I have and where I am and making the best of each moment. Even though I don't have the money to do all the things I'd love to be doing, there are a lot of things I can do that don't require money.

• Visit a friend or neighbor on my days off
• Volunteer at a local charity
• Do yoga at home
• Dance around the house to my favorite songs (even naked!)
• Clean and organize the attic
• Be creative (so many projects, so little time!)
• Meditate
• Clean and fix stuff around the house

Do what you enjoy! 

Parenting Adult Children

Money, Money, Money!

If you thought diapers and baby equipment were expensive don't wait until they get to college age before you start a college fund. These days kids don't grow up and move out when they're 18 like they used to, they go to college and come home over and over again. 

The food bill at home goes down, then it suddenly goes up when they come home for breaks. Expenses seem a bit lower when they're away, but then they call for money because they've run out or there's some new fee that's due. No one gets a free ride to college even with scholarships and grants, there are always loans, work study, and extra funds being sent from home for those emergencies that are just outside the budget.

I love my kids more than anything and I wanted them to go to college because I never got to finish college and that severely hindered my earning power. I just wanted them to have job opportunities that would keep them out of poverty and allow them to create a lifestyle that they could enjoy. What I didn't know was that putting 3 kids through college would bankrupt me (but I would still not be debt free because government loans are not forgivable).

Although my oldest has graduated, moved out, has a good job, and is paying off his own school loans ($40,000), our names are still attached to those loans if he defaults. Now he's putting himself through graduate school with more loans and I see a lifetime of debt ahead of him, but at least he'll have more earning power. I hope he doesn't regret this.

My daughter will graduate this year with about $35,000 in loans to pay off, and yes our names are attached to that by default as well. She's already stressed out about this because she's the frugal one, the careful one and the planner. Oh, did I mention that she's engaged and wants to get married within the next year? Just looking at wedding dresses has been the cause of emotional meltdowns. This is not the way it's meant to be.

My youngest is starting his second semester and there's a $4,000 bill that's due that will have to go on a Parent Plus Loan - that's the loan the government will give you if you're flat broke, in debt or bankruptcy but still breathing. I'm barely still breathing. 

What would they be doing if they weren't going to college? My kids all have career goals, they've been good students, they're responsible, they're aiming high. Working for minimum wage in a no prospect job was never an option in their minds. They all want to do something valuable with their lives and live comfortably. Who doesn't want that? But why does it have to cost a fortune or more to get there?

Your kids will always be your kids even when they grow up, even when they are legally adults, and you'll always want what's best for them. That's the heart of a parent. They will pay off their own loans when they get out of school because they knew that was part of the bargain from the beginning. But this is a really stressful way to start off into adulthood, and from my perspective I don't see the possibility of retirement ever happening in my life.

That's today's rant. Love is not all you need, you need money too. So plan ahead. 

The Gift of Love

Giving - Stress

This is the season of giving, but should giving be stressful? I've always struggles with this part of the season - the stressful part. we love to give, we want to make others happy, sometimes we feel obligated to meet expectations, and sometimes there are way too many expectations.

Here are a few ways to reduce Holiday stress that I've used over the past 10 years while my kids were growing up.

1. Reduce expectations by clarifying our family financial situation, and creating a budget together.
2. No last minute shopping, plan ahead & buy online whenever possible.
3. Encourage the gift of service
4. Encourage the gift of spending time together
5. Encourage creative gift-giving (making gifts)
6. Allowing everyone to help in meal preparation
7. Keeping the emphasis on the family experience of having fun together instead of  on "getting presents".

Diverted Attention

Hey bloggy friends, you might be wondering why I have not been posting since my kids all flew the coop. I'm not traveling the world (although I'd love to be), and I don't feel like posting about the hubby and 2 cats,or the guinea pig and rabbit I babysit for my sons. But that's not all thats going on in this empty nester's life.

Actually I'm working 3 part time jobs. One of these jobs is as the content editor of a magazine style website. I also work as a hotel front desk clerk, and my third job is freelance writing for 2 clients. So I'm a little busy, and doing a lot of writing and creative stuff elsewhere. Sometimes I work under ghost names too. (That would have been a good Halloween post.)

I want to wish you all a HAPPY THANKSGIVING in case I don't get back here for another week! 

The Unexpected Empty Nest

Oh, You Mean They Grow Up and Go Away?

Although I've been facing this reality since my youngest turned 18 last February, I didn't feel the impact until this week. Sunday we took our youngest son to college, 4 hours away, and I cried. I cried the day before and the day after too.

He's always stayed close to home, not being as socially inclined as my other 2 kids. He had his circle of friends but enjoyed spending a lot of time on his own activities at home. He asked me to homeschool him, it was his choice. I have enjoyed his company every day for 18 1/2 years and now he's so far away.

This is the week I never expected. I think I imagined that one of my kids would always be somewhere nearby. This morning I took my daughter to the airport and sent her off to Vietnam. She is doing a semester abroad. When she returns she'll visit her fiancee in AZ, and then finish her senior year at College in upstate NY.

My oldest son is also moving out this week. He's been commuting an hour and a half each way to work for over a year now, and we knew he would eventually move. He was accepted to graduate school but postponed it for a year because he was already working; now he's going to do both. To keep his job and go to night school he has to move to MA so he will be closer to school and work.

All Together Now, Off We Go

I didn't expect it all to happen in one week, no, not my plan. My oldest had planned to move out last June, but his living arrangement didn't work out. My daughter was not 100% sure of her overseas trip until the end of June. Of course we knew our younger son was going to college, but the summer was so busy with internships and people coming and going that we didn't have much time to think about it.

Then suddenly, it all came together this week. One by one they have gone or are going off: youngest on Sunday, middle on Thursday, and oldest on Saturday. They all flew the coop, leaving us with our tears and tons of cleaning.

I am sad and I will miss them so much. Even though our youngest will be back during school breaks, and we'll see them all on the holidays, this is the beginning of the truly empty nest. I am having a hard time digesting the idea of life without our kids living with us.

It feels like the first time I gave birth.

For 9 months you know you are going to have a baby but no matter how much you read or how many classes you take nothing can completely prepare you for being a new parent. Even if you have done a lot of babysitting, even babysitting infants, it is not quite the same as giving birth to, and caring for your own newborn 24/7. It's a life changing shock, or more like your life has changed forever and you are in shock.

That's kind of how I feel right now. Even though I had plenty of time to prepare, it's different in reality. I have to get used to the change and get beyond the shock. They are all adults, they are on their own, it's their time to chart their own courses. It's the reverse of giving birth, or is it rebirth?

I'll go with rebirth, my rebirth.

As we drove our youngest to college he asked me, "Mom, what are you going to do with all your free time

now?" I was grateful that he recognised that my time has been seriously preoccupied by him and his siblings. I replied, "What free time? I have tons to do. I'm working part time, looking for another part-time job, I do volunteer work, I do yoga, I'm trying to clean and fix up the house so we can rent out a room, and I'm taking care of 3 pets!" Then I added, "If I find any free time I'll sleep, read a book or watch a movie."

Little does he know I do have a plan. A plan to recreate my life.

Changing Priorities

There have been a lot of things on the back burner that need some attention. I do need to increase my income, focus on improving my health, and clean and repair this old house. Although I've been trying to do those things all along, I can now focus more exclusively on what needs to happen. 

We managed to collect a lot of stuff during the past 24 years while raising a family and it's time to let some of it go. It's time to get this old nest in shape for sale or rental so the hubby and I can flap our own wings a little bit. There are places to go and things to see, old friends to meet and new friends to make. This is not the end of the road, it's the beginning of a new one. A new adventure awaits and it's uncharted territory for us.

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."-T. S. Eliot

NH is a Great Place to Live & Play!

Camp Aurora 2013

At Geneva Point Center

So much love, so much fun!

Visit NH Faith Fusion on YouTube

Visit NH Faith Fusion Website

Pay It Forward

A very moving & powerful story:



Children are so amazing, they are in touch with their spirit and heart. It is so wonderful when we give sincerely with our heart and see it multiply in ways we could have never imagined!

Amazing Mother's Advice

A New Place to Visit

I found a new blog recently which I've enjoyed visiting on a regular basis. It's called Discoveries of Grace, and I encourage you to check it out. I love the simplicity of it, and the straightforward recognition of God's presence in everyday events and activities.

Mom's Advice

What I really like though, is that she has dedicated a page to share the wonderful advice her mother gave her. I'll give you a taste, but then you have to go there and read the rest for yourself.

Top Ten (12 actually) Things She Learned from Her Mother

1. She always told me that love is the only thing that really matters. You can lose your possessions, your job, and your health, but you can always hold on to the love. And at the end of your life, when you look back, it’s the only thing that makes life worth living.
2. Decorate your house with bookcases, because you can never have too many books! Nothing ever seems as bad if you can curl up with a good book and a cup of hot cocoa (with marshmallows).
3. Class is not determined by money or social position; rather, a truly classy person is one who goes out of her way to make others feel comfortable and special. Classy people are warm and gracious.
4. You’ll never get old if you are always interested in other people and continue to learn new things.
5. Life isn’t fair. But that doesn’t mean it can’t still be good, even wonderful, if you keep a sense of gratitude and remember what really matters.
6. God does not send us tragedy and pain. But he does give us the strength to bear them, the courage to face them, and the grace to learn and grow from them.

This is only half of the list so please visit "top ten things I learned from my mother" at Discoveries of Grace, and maybe you'll find some other inspiring bits along the way.

Mother's Always Worry

My daughter called me last night to tell me her big news. There has been a lot of big news lately, most of it good. She informed me that she had received the scholarship she applied for to spend her fall term in Vietnam. "Great!" I said, hoping that my nervousness did not leak through my words.

"Are you happy?" she asked. "Of course", I said, "but you know I'll worry, I'm your Mom." My daughter is 22, in her third year of college, and she's engaged to a really great guy. She's an adult, I know mentally, but I just can't completely wrap my heart around that yet.

I was traveling the world when I was 18, by myself, but I never thought about how worried my parents might be. At least my daughter is going with a group of students, there is a curriculum and a professor. She traveled to London two winter's ago on a mini-term and all went well. She traveled to South Africa a year before that with a service program during her winter break, so she is a seasoned traveler. Why do I worry?

Maybe because I grew up during the Vietnam war era, ghost feelings from my childhood. Of course I know how much the country has changed since then. I've had the pleasure of being acquainted with many Vietnamese people here in the states too, quite lovely people. Technically I have no problems with my daughter's travel and education plans. I'm just her mother, there's always that feeling of concern; the knowledge of the dangers in the world that could possibly hurt my child.

I don't know how the mother's of soldier's cope; they must have great faith. I am also a person of faith and I know I can calm my fears with prayer. I generally am not a person who dwells on fear or worries a lot, but I am a mom and that heart of concern for my children will never go away. In my mind I imagine that's how God feels about humanity, always concerned, always wishing they will come home safely.

Blessings to you and yours, please feel free to comment.